Friday, July 22, 2011

Preservative-Filled Food For Thought

I always thumb through the Yahoo! homepage, and I can't seem to pass up the Parents Magazine articles when they have all the cute cakes, cupcakes, and recipe stuff.   I'm a cake/cupcake girl, so I can't help but always be on the hunt for ideas. (We won't discuss my hate/hate relationship with the Eat This, Not That segments.)   But the articles that crack me up are the ones that have titles like Recipe Ideas for School Lunches That Kids Will LOVE!  The first thing it says is "Start by spreading some hummus onto pita bread." HUH?   Then the next is "Take some spinach leaves and...." who knows what came after that, because I had to stop reading at the words "kids will love," "hummus," and "spinach leaves."  Who the hell has kids that will eat this stuff?  I mean, I know my kids are picky, (just look at their father) but please tell me that we're not missing out on some kind of phenomenon where normal kids are now eating hummus.  I didn't even start eating hummus til like 2 years ago!

Who is writing these articles??  My guess is it's the same ones who don't allow their kids to watch TV, eat foods with preservatives, high fructose corn syrup, or anything that's not organic, and they breastfeed til the kid's in the 4th grade. (Let's go ahead and start taking bets on how many "nature moms" I just pissed off with that statement.)   Someone, please assure me that I'm not the only person whose children's tastes don't go beyond chicken nuggets, PB&J, bologna, pizza, spaghetti, and Capri Suns!   Now, I am proud to say that they LOVE fruit and they love salads, which is strange to me.  I don't think I ate a salad til I was about 15 years old.  But still!   I'll make a 5 course meal that takes me 3 hours to prepare, and my family's ranting and raving about how awesome it looks, smells, etc.  Shelby takes one look at it, and starts dramatically screaming "Ewwww!  Gross!!  I don't like it!  It's gonna taste nasty!  I want a bologna sandwich!!"  No matter what I try. I've done what my parents did:  "When you get hungry enough, you'll eat." Nope. Shelby's like friggin' Ghandi. She'd rather go on a hunger strike than to actually do something because I want her to.   **Also, let's point out that when I DO try that tactic, who is the first person who will give into her and feed her?   That's right, MY MOM!!  The same mom who was like those British guards that no matter what you do, they won't smile.  She would not budge once she gave a "ruling".  Now, she's the first one I catch sneaking them food.  Traitor.**

That being said, I don't think they're too abnormal. I'll go to friends' houses and they're having the same issue with their kids. So back to my original question: Who is the moron who is posting these "Kid Friendly" recipes, and moreso, who are the people who are agreeing with it?? My kids aren't vegan hippies, they don't eat gluten-free, they're not allergic to peanuts, soy and dairy, they're KIDS! If it doesn't start with "Throw some pre-packaged preservative-packed frozen chicken nuggets on a paper plate and throw in the microwave," then my kids will have nothing to do with it! I mean, sushi is my favorite food, but I know that my kids aren't gonna touch it with a 10 foot pole.  For example, this is what I made myself for lunch:


It's a Greek pasta salad with olives and feta cheese and stuff like that.   Now, I'm not STUPID enough to think they're actually going to eat this.  Nope, they took one look and were like "Ummm, okay, so what are WE having for lunch?"   They chose this:



But that's what you expect from a kid!  When I was little, my entire diet was based on frozen pizza and hot dogs.   (Although, I have to admit, I could probably still survive on nothing but frozen pizza even now.  I have a weakness for pizza in any size, shape, and form.)  That's what kids do.  So I just have to say that I'm really over this whole "fad" that if you don't feed your kid organic vegetables and preservative-free snacks that they're gonna grow to be complete idiotic buffoons.   I mean, just look at me---I ate nothing but crap and look how awesome I turned out!  (93% of you have now run from your computers to your nearest Organic Farmer's Market to buy all of your children's' food.)

And this has been my random public service announcement. 


If you're curious about the article, here's the link I was referring to.  And this one's not even nearly as bad as some of the others I've read. 

A Bunch of Weird, Organic Shit That Some Midtown New York Hippie Is Trying To Convince You That Your Child Will Actually Eat and Enjoy ---You're Welcome.